Ryan Estrellado

The New York Times Blog commented on a PsychCentral article about basic guidelines for fatherhood.  Some of the points made are likely agreed upon by the parenting community at large; the first point made is simply “Be there.”  Other points might make dads say “I knew that!”, but are still refreshing and inspiring when presented in such a concise way:

Balance discipline with fun. Some dads make the mistake of being only the disciplinarian. The kids grow up afraid of their dads and unable to see the man behind the rules. An equal and opposite mistake is being so focused on fun that you become one of the kids, leaving their mother always to be the heavy. Kids need to have fathers who know both how to set reasonable, firm limits and how to relax and have a good time. Give yourself and the kids the stability that comes with clear limits and the good memories that come with play.

Because the topic of being a dad is so personal, guidelines for how to do it well are likely to be an ongoing discussion.  With that said, the article presents some pieces of the puzzle that rightfully raise the sophistication of the discussion.  The quote above is some indication that as a parenting community we are moving beyond one dimensional questions such as, “Should I be the good cop or bad cop?” and challenging ourselves with tougher questions such as, “How do I balance being the setter of limits with nurturing a carefree and memorable childhood for my kids?”  Hopefully questions like the latter will move each dad closer to where he wants to be as a parent.

The Basics of Fatherhood