Ryan Estrellado

The New York Times Blog commented on a PsychCentral article about basic guidelines for fatherhood.  Some of the points made are likely agreed upon by the parenting community at large; the first point made is simply “Be there.”  Other points might make dads say “I knew that!”, but are still refreshing and inspiring when presented in such a concise way:

Balance discipline with fun. Some dads make the mistake of being only the disciplinarian. The kids grow up afraid of their dads and unable to see the man behind the rules. An equal and opposite mistake is being so focused on fun that you become one of the kids, leaving their mother always to be the heavy. Kids need to have fathers who know both how to set reasonable, firm limits and how to relax and have a good time. Give yourself and the kids the stability that comes with clear limits and the good memories that come with play.

Because the topic of being a dad is so personal, guidelines for how to do it well are likely to be an ongoing discussion.  With that said, the article presents some pieces of the puzzle that rightfully raise the sophistication of the discussion.  The quote above is some indication that as a parenting community we are moving beyond one dimensional questions such as, “Should I be the good cop or bad cop?” and challenging ourselves with tougher questions such as, “How do I balance being the setter of limits with nurturing a carefree and memorable childhood for my kids?”  Hopefully questions like the latter will move each dad closer to where he wants to be as a parent.

The Basics of Fatherhood

Given that schools are in the business of supporting the academic and social development of its children, my discussions with parents, education professionals, and graduate students inevitably lead to the topic of effective school interventions. A resource that comes up frequently is Jim Wright’s Intervention Central.

The website houses a wide variety of interventions and tools geared towards parents and teachers. The breadth of content is as thorough as it is easy to follow . The Intervention Ideas section is divided into several specific areas, including Reading, Writing, Classroom Management, and Behavior. It also presents a number of different intervention approaches ranging from individual student work to whole-school systems.

I found a model for playground rules, entitled Creating Safe Playgrounds: A Whole School Approach, particularly promising. The write-up gives a step by step procedure for designing and monitoring recess rules to encourage safe play and good social skills. Like a well-designed technical manual, the write-up even includes a troubleshooting section:

The playground intervention is not very effective. If your school discovers that the intervention is not working, be sure that:

• Students fully understand what positive behaviors are expected of them on the playground and what negative behaviors are not permitted.
• Monitors are consistent and fair when enforcing the behavioral expectations on the playground.
• Students receive regular praise and good-behavior tickets for appropriate behavior.
• Teachers follow through in their classrooms in giving students earned rewards for good playground behavior.

The write-up references two professional journals as sources for the development of the intervention.

A few weeks ago Asha Dornfest of Parent Hacks guest posted on Zen Habits about her top 20 parent hacks. Being a relatively new parent of a rapidly evolving 18 month old, I found Asha’s ideas inspiring and thought it might be useful to post some of them here.

Before I do that, perhaps more discussion is needed regarding the use of the word “hack.” What is being referred to has little to do with sawing metal or medical professionals of dubious repute. Rather, the word “hack” in the blogosphere usually refers to some modification of one’s daily routine to improve productivity and to reduce the stress caused by the modern information age. For me it’s a topic that never seems to grow old, particularly when you’ve got a toddler that joyfully grabs hold of the majority of your attention.

That said, here are a few of the ideas that I personally enjoyed reading. You’ll find the rest of them in Asha’s post.

Follow the Law of Conservation of Toys. Create a simple trade-in system to keep toy clutter to a minimum. Read more.

Digitize your kid’s artwork and school papers to reduce clutter. Hang onto those art treasures without having to save all of the bulky paper. Read more.

Getting organized: Do the small stuff NOW. Life with kids can feel like one distraction after another, and often, the little tasks we intend to do later never get done. Follow David Allen’s Getting Things Done advice: if it takes two minutes or less, do it now and get it off your mind. Read more

Kitchen timer: Multi-purpose tool of the gods! Bedtime, homework time, any time is timer time. Read more.